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I don't want to live but I don't want to die either..

Back then, when I thought about hurting myself I was afraid but now I just feel neutral about it.. the only reasons I have to live are because it would hurt others, characters Im passionate about would be forgotten, and if I did die.. then what were all those years of breathing, producing enough blood to live, practicing, learning, working, and doing what I love for?

No I'm not depressed, in fact I don't have any mental illness in general (or I have not been diagnosed with any) but yet I still feel hopeless, tired, and isolated.