Rewrite a modern day version of the wife of bath

Explanation:

Back in the olden days, many hundreds of years ago when King Arthur ruled the land, England was still a country of magic. I read that they believed that there were elves and fairies and the like, and that the elf-queen herself could be seen dancing with other magical creatures in the forests. It’s too bad you can’t see any of these creatures any more. It’s because they simply don’t exist any longer. Now, instead of magical creatures, all you’ll find in the forests are priests and friars. It sometimes seems as if these men are lurking around everywhere: in hallways, bedrooms, kitchens, cities, villages, castles, barns, dairies, high towers. It’s because of them there aren’t any fairies or elves any more. Now, women no longer have to worry about demons and imps hiding in the forest—only priests.