1. Your 15-year-old daughter, Fatamorgana, has been ill for 3 days with a fever, lassitude, anorexia, sore anus and elbows, and frequent diarrhea. She has gone through a big bottle of Tums in the last 2 days. You’ve heard of “antacid abuse,” and wonder if you should take the Tums away from her. Do you? A. Yes! She is giving herself a case of respiratory acidosis.

B. Yes! She surely has given herself a case of metabolic alkalosis by now.

C. No! She is probably doing the right thing here, and took her advice from a physiology textbook instead of a popular magazine, or Dr. Oz.

D. No! But she also needs some acidity, for acid-base balance, so you have her drink a 2 cups of all-natural apple cider vinegar you got from the health aisle of the local grocery store.