Overcoming my challenge - my obsession with my body Everyday social media puts on this act making everything seem so real, mostly it isn’t. I feel like I was always a confident person, I didn’t care what I looked like. I was happy with myself in every single way. I don’t remember what clicked but I just felt less like I didn’t have it anymore. I couldn’t stop staring in the mirror thinking why does my body look this way. I couldn’t go a day without wondering the ways I could get thinner. I tried working out, starving myself, saying “I already ate”, throwing everything I ate right back up, but none of it worked.

If anything I have never been more hungry. I tried and tried but I got this feeling where I knew everything I tried was wrong but I thought it was working. I was on an empty stomach most days, the others I don’t remember eating anything but drinking energy drinks, coffee, or caffeine.
I eventually started to realise I was exhausted, if I did eat my stomach would get so upset I actually didn’t even need to make myself throw up. It wasn’t a good feeling but I felt like I was getting my body to the place I felt like it needed to be in. I kept seeing all the girls always talking about body empowerment like “fuel your body”, “always be you” “love your body”, “love you for you”, “you’re beautiful just the way you are”. Those are the same girls that if they eat one thing they don’t feel like they need to go run 4 miles.

I wish I really wish I knew then that you wouldn’t always be happy. Not everything is always going to be perfect, especially not your body. Eventually I hit a really hard reality check, not everyone hits their when they think but mine. Mine was after three months of self-loathing, self-deprecation, disparaging myself. I got the one thing that kept me sane before it was softball, it's not everyone’s reality check but it put me back into a place where I enjoyed the little things that I forgot about before. If I didn’t get it back I don’t think I would have snapped back so fast. I am so glad I’m back where I don’t shame myself in everything I wear, or I don’t think I have to walk out the house without looking like I’m going to Fashion Week in Paris. Everyone is different, reality checks are different, but most of all I’m different and I’m happy. One thing happening to me doesn’t change me, I know that things can get bad but you and you only can decide your change that's what matters nothing else tops what you think of yourself. This is how I overcame my challenge, how I see it, its mind over matter.