Hey. read my story, you don't have to do any work if you don't want to. just read, you can revise it if you want, i would love to know your opinion. i am open to talk about this to anyone that asks. though i must say, this can be triggering for some readers. it includes the physiological effects of a sexual assault, if you have been assaulted, i highly urge you to read it, this can you move on. i wrote this for my personal narrative for english 10. if you need to talk to anyone, you can always message me, you are not alone!

stop: do not plagiarize any of this, this story is very personal to me, and i hope you respect that.

title: its anything but dark

it’s quiet. almost too quiet. i allow the cold air to take refuge on my bare skin without objecting. not even a slight movement from the trees, everything is still. almost too still. i begin writing in a notebook, normally i would write about how beautiful the scenery is, but i don’t, because this day is anything but beautiful. normally i would cower inside on such a cloudy and muggy day, but i welcome it. it is not a normal day.
i awoke this morning drenched in sweat and shaking, my brother ran into my room, a worried expression covering his face.
“you screamed.” he trembled.
i apologized,“sorry, it was just a nightmare, i didn’t mean to wake you.”
“do you want to sleep in a different room, that could with the nightmares.” he offered.
i shook my head and nestled back under the covers. this was the first night i slept in my room in weeks. i hadn’t been able to walk in here without seeing him. i cleared my mind and drifted off to sleep once more.
the pressure on my wrists is unbearable. whatever it is, it’s so tight it burns. i sit up, fighting the bindings on my wrists and realize there is nothing there. relaxing a little, i realize it was just another nightmare. i slide the covers off me and lay my legs over the side of my bed, rubbing my wrists. i meander around my bedroom, then finally to the porch. i dawdle for awhile, trying to make sense of how my life has changed so fast. i went from being the all-popular freshman star on the varsity volleyball team, voted best personality and most likely to succeed. to this. whatever this is, it’s me now. my grades went from all a’s to failing. i was pulled out of school. i can’t even sleep anymore. he did this. how can one man cause someone’s life to change so badly? suddenly, sitting still is no longer an option. my thoughts race, i want to yell at the world, i want to yell at him, but more importantly, i want to yell at myself. he no longer can control me, i’m no longer restrained. the only thing keeping me from living is me, i can break free of this self-pity, i am stronger than that man ever will be.
my legs compel me into a run, i need to escape this engulfing darkness of self-pity. i enter the darkened forest. the carpet of pine needles pinch my feet as they sweep over them with every fleeting stride. trees tower over me, but i know i’m bigger than them. their skin is hard and rough, shielding them from the vermin in this world. their branches twist every which way, free to grow wherever they choose. i begin to slow, opening up my senses, i hear a stream nearby, the aroma of pure wilderness reaches my nose. it smells like freedom. i stop at a vibrant tree. it has pink blossoms growing off of it. i stare, mesmerized by the beauty in the tree. momentarily i forgot why i ran, i forgot about everything that has happened. one moment is all it took for me to realize, that man will never touch me ever again, i’m free.
i was belittled, i was raped, i was defiled.
i am a survivor.

“there is always beauty in the darkness, you just have to find it.” ~samantha helsel