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Conflict Resolution

Try to remember your first ventures to the playground as a child. Those swings, slides, sandboxes, and monkey bars probably provided countless hours of fun. On the other hand, they likely also were the sites of some of your first battles. Whether you were dueling for turns on the swings or the top spot of the monkey bars, you probably learned valuable skills in conflict resolution on these mini-battlegrounds. How did you resolve those disputes? How do you resolve conflicts now?

Though the nature of the conflicts we encounter now may differ from the problems in childhood, the way we tackle present conflicts may not have changed much. According to one of the most widely used and enduring models of conflict management, the Thomas-Kilmann Conflict Mode Instrument, people generally lean toward one of five conflict management approaches: Competing, Avoiding, Accommodating, Compromising, or Collaborating Despite our inclinations, however, we can learn to implement any of these styles of conflict resolution, depending on the situation. Each of these five styles falls along two dimensions: Assertiveness, how direct we are in forwarding our own concerns, and Cooperativeness, how much we care about the other party’s concerns

Competition

Someone using the Competing style during a conflict, would demonstrate high assertiveness and low cooperativeness. This person may advance his or her own goals without regard to those of the other party. This style may be most useful in urgent situations, when a quick firm decision needs to be made. A weakness of this style, if overused or used indiscriminately, is that it may be damaging to the relationship between the two parties.

Avoidance

The Avoiding style exemplifies both low Assertiveness and low Cooperativeness. Someone in the Avoiding mode may ignore the conflict and not take any action to resolve it. This style works best when the issue at hand is unimportant, needs more time to marinate, when victory is impossible, when someone else is in a more appropriate position to solve the problem, or when the relationship between the two parties is not important. The Avoiding style can help prevent hurt feelings. If overused or used in important situations, however, this mode may lead to passive aggression or apathy.

Accommodation

The Accommodating style is high in Cooperativeness but low in Assertiveness. When we use this style, we may sacrifice much to the other party’s gain. This style is helpful when the issue is important to the other party but unimportant to us. Maintaining peace in the relationship may be more important than winning the conflict. Overuse of the accommodating style can lead us to feeling powerless or resentful.

Compromise

The Compromising style is familiar to most people. To compromise is to “meet in the middle.” We get some of what we want and give up some of what we want; likewise for the other party. Mid-levels of Cooperativeness and Assertiveness define this mode. This style is a strength when the two parties are evenly matched and are at a standstill, and when the cost of the conflict is greater than the cost of losing ground. A weakness of Compromising is that it hinders innovation in the long-term. Neither side will be completely satisfied in a compromise.

Collaboration

The last style, Collaborating, is high in both Cooperativeness and Assertiveness. When we collaborate, we seek to understand the other party’s concerns while also expressing our own. We want to find a mutually and completely satisfying solution. This mode of conflict resolution lends itself to important issues that have long-lasting, wide-range effects. This may seem like the best style to some, but it does have its weaknesses. It requires the most time and effort out of all the styles.

Self-Assessment

Which statement represents the conflict management style you have used most?“I win. You lose.” “No one wins.” “I lose. You win.” “I win some; I lose some. You win some; you lose some.” “I win. You win.” Key: a. Competing, b. Avoidance, c. Accommodating, d. Compromising, e. Collaborating

When we encounter a conflict, taking a step back to assess the best style-- the best strategy-- for the situation is important. We need to consider whether any time pressures are involved, how important the issues are, how important the relationship to the other party is, and how much power we have in that dynamic (Hill, 2014). Being cognizant of the different factors and choosing a relevant style are conflict management skills that we can continually hone. Our success, on and off the playground, depends on these skills.