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English, 04.06.2021 20:30 damianb25

I need help with essay revision. I have an assignment that requires me to revise and edit a paragraph of an essay I've written according to some guidelines in the instructions. However, I got a 100% on the essay, and I couldn't really find anything to revise or edit. I need some help finding things to change so I have something to turn in.
The essay is about William Wordsworth and John Muir and how they reveal how they feel about nature in "I Wandered Lonely as a Cloud" and "Calypso Borealis", respectively.

Guidelines:
Introduction of quotation: Improve the introduction of at least two of your quotations. Highlight the revision.
Evidence: Add or change (make it shorter, make it longer, or change it entirely) two examples in the paragraph. If you add an example, be sure it is explained. Highlight the revision.
Explanation: Strengthen the explanation of two of your examples by connecting the evidence and the controlling idea. Highlight the revision.
Connections: Add an explanation that connects the two texts. Highlight the revision.
Transitions: Include a minimum of three transitional words or phrases to connect ideas. Highlight the transitions in your topic sentence and within your body paragraph.
Edit: Read your new and improved second body paragraph. Ensure the spelling, punctuation, and usage are correct.

Original paragraph (the one I wrote):
Unlike Wordsworth, Muir uses a shift in tone to highlight the more beautiful parts of nature. In his essay, “Calypso Borealis”, the beginning has a very gloomy mood to it, as he describes the thick swamp he must traverse. “I had been fording streams more and more difficult to cross and wading bogs and swamps that seemed more and more extensive and more difficult to force one's way through.” (Muir 1864) This quote sets up a discouraged or hopeless tone and uses words like “extensive”, “difficult”, and “force”. While the tone in this section of the essay is fairly negative, it is only setting up a change to something more positive in a later section. Near the end of the essay, Muir describes his awaited encounter with the Calypso Borealis, a rare plant that was the whole reason why Muir even went through the swamp. “But when the sun was getting low and everything seemed most bewildering and discouraging, I found beautiful Calypso on the mossy bank of a stream, growing not in the ground but on a bed of yellow mosses…” (Muir 1864) This sentence is the main turning point in tone for Muir’s essay. Although he just traversed a large and difficult swamp, he still manages to recover just by seeing the Calypso. The fact that Muir completely forgets the swamp by seeing the plant shows how he appreciates the smaller, more pleasant aspects of nature, even after directly experiencing the rougher parts of it.

Sorry if this is too much for a question.

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