My hero

my gran is my hero. she is brilliant. she loves to read. she is easily bored. as a young girl, she struggled a great deal. she left home at 21. she moved to the west coast. there, she chose to educate herself. she chose studies over security. she lived in poverty for many years. she eventually got a job teaching at university. she married late in life. she had a beautiful family. she never stopped learning. she died with a burning curiosity about life.

how does this paragraph flow?
what kind of rhythm does this paragraph have?
which ideas are highlighted as most important? least? how do you know?
are ideas well connected to one another?
can you tell what the relationship is between sentences?
how would you improve this paragraph?

The paragraph rhythm and flow? It is a bit jarring. The sentences are much to short. You need more diversity in sentence length. Maybe merge some of the describing sentences to make it diverse. You should not do a lot of little sentences or a lot of long sentences.

Which ideas are highlighted as most important? The shorter the sentence, the more it pops and makes an impact. Like the beginning sentence, "My Gran in my hero." it would make a bigger impact if it were the shorter sentence.

Since we can't rely on that to find the most important ideas we will instead look for repeated ideas. Like the fact the grandmother loved to learn.

The underlying theme is "She is brilliant, curious, and intelligent." The least important would be about when she left home and moved. Those aren't repeated and are just bits of information.

The ideas are connected alright.The parts like "She had a beautiful family." takes away from the original idea, but not enough to mess up the passage.

How would I improve it? I would lengthen some sentences to add variety.

you didn't provide the passage.

explanation:

seeing as this is your first question on i can see why you may have not known that you need to provide the passage.

without the passage, or even the name of the passage, we can not read the passage, therefore we can not determine when or how the pacing effects the tone.

however, you can either repost this question (providing the passage this time)

or you can comment below what the passage is, and i'll you to the best of my ability!

faith or loyalty when pledged in a solemn agreement or undertaking.