. . . Initially, Jing-Mei, and presumably Tan, was young enough that she also believed in this dream of fame and success. Jing-Mei said, “in the beginning I was just as excited as my mother, maybe even more so. I pictured this prodigy part of me as many different images, and tried each one on for size. I was a dainty ballerina. . . I was like the Christ child. . . I was Cinderella. . .” (The Joy Luck Club 133). So, mother and daughter worked together tirelessly to achieve this shared dream. . . .But as much as the dream of becoming a child prodigy brought mother and daughter together in a shared project, eventually it worked just as hard to drive them apart. While Suyuan still believed Jing-Mei could become a prodigy, Jing-Mei became more and more disheartened as she realized the dream was unrealistic. “[S]omething inside me began to die,” she said, because she never passed her mother’s tests. She “performed listlessly” on purpose on those tests and watched to see when her mother would finally give up (The Joy Luck Club 134-135). “I got so bored that I started counting the bellows of the foghorns. . . seeing if my mother would give up on me before eight bellows,” she said (The Joy Luck Club 135). Eventually, Suyuan gives up on Jing-Mei after only one or two bellows: the dream was finally dying for both of them. In the end, Suyuan’s dream of Jing-Mei becoming a child prodigy does more to drive them apart than it did to bring them together. The central idea of this essay is that dreams can drive people apart as well as bring them together. Given this, which revision would best improve this paragraph?

including outside research about other child prodigies and their relationships with their parents.

including further evidence of what Jing-Mei and Suyuan do together to reach their shared dream.

including further analysis of why the dying of the dream drives Suyuan and Jing-Mei apart.

adding a conclusion sentence that ties the main idea of the paragraph to the central idea of the thesis.

Create a well-crafted essay of 1-2 pages outlining a likely theory of king tutankhamun’s death at the age of nineteen. your goal is to convince peers your age that this is the most reasonable theory according to the evidence. incorporate the subjunctive and conditional moods within your writing. use the following rubric to guide your writing. remember to check your spelling (by using a spell checker and also against the original text) to ensure the proper spelling of names and places in king tut’s world. reminder: spell checkers are great, but they’re not always right. think about terms specific to egypt or even tutankhamun’s name. a spell checker won’t know if you’re spelling these correctly, so check with the reading to keep consistent. rubric criterion exceptional capable developing beginning points earned ideas & content main claim supporting details sources are cited clear, focused, interesting ideas with appropriate detail, sources are cited evident main idea with some support which may be general or limited, sources are mentioned main idea may be unclear; supporting detail is vague or off topic, some source information used central idea or theme is not stated; supporting detail may be nonexistent, no sources mentioned organization structure (claim/counterclaim) introduction conclusion strong organization; seamless paragraph transitions; effective and engaging intro and conclusion organization is appropriate but conventional; attempt at introduction and conclusion attempts at organization, inappropriate use of lists or bullets; introduction and conclusion are not developed no introduction or conclusion; no clear organizational framework or transitions voice personality sense of audience appropriate to audience; expressive, engaging, sincere voice is appropriate to topic, but inconsistent or dry voice may be inappropriate; writing may seem mechanical writer’s voice is inappropriate or nonexistent word choice precision effectiveness imagery broad range of descriptive words; creative examples, vivid details and images language is functional and appropriate; descriptions may lack detail or be overdone words may be correct but simplistic; no attempt at detail, description, or examples word choice is limited, words are often misused; supporting detail and examples are nonexistent sentence fluency rhythm, flow variety easy flow and rhythm; good variety in length and structure sentences are appropriate but lack variety and length awkward phrasing and structure, similar patterns and choppy language sentences are incomplete or difficult to follow, language is confusing conventions age appropriate spelling, capitalization, punctuation, grammar strong use of correct conventions; errors are few and minor most writing conventions correct; occasional high profile errors frequent errors; most do not interfere with readability frequent errors interfere with readability