hey just a thought, to be honest... it's been on my mind a lot, if you knew that I was dying inside, tell me, would you let me rot...? it's crazy cuz you different then I thought, but I still love you love you crazy even all them times we fought, just thinking bout what you said puts my stomach in a knot... how you want me to hold on but you steady letting go... I know you know that I'm in pain but I try not to let it show... you know I can't really talk because I do the same, but the thought of something happening to you can't leave me brain... so this is what it feels like when they deal with me... but what does running do, nothing... but the love it gives me something... sometimes I wonder would things be better if I just leave? but the thought of me without you... don't know if I can breathe... going crazy the days don't even know just what I need...

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serve the people! ,” smoothly translated by julia lovell, offers an initial sample of yan lianke’s writing to an english-speaking audience. a bluntly drawn, mildly erotic fable, it teases mao zedong by poking fun at a true believer who obeys the chairman’s precepts too literally. to a western sensibility, the broad strokes of yan lianke’s humor would seem to pose little risk of inciting rebellion, whether of the flesh or of the body politic. but then, part of the book’s attraction is that it doesn’t have a western sensibility. it lets the reader see — or rather, intuit — what jokes chinese officials don’t consider funny, and how very little it takes for a writer to be branded an incendiary in 21st-century china, more than three decades after the death of mao, a decade after the death of deng xiaoping and seven years since china entered the world trade organization, a move that would seem to signal a willingness (however wary) to mingle with the rest of the world.

it can make them lose love for themselves