In no fewer than three sentences, critique the following paragraph. Explain where it could be improved. Then, in your own words, rewrite the paragraph to make its writing stronger. Make sure you include a hook, supporting evidence, and a topic sentence. Use correct spelling and grammar. Playing in the snow is one of my happiest childhood memories. The winter offers more than a time for kids to have fun. There are many things to do in the snow. It is unfortunate that so many people find the wintertime annoying. More people should step outside to enjoy the snow. I am glad I grew up where it snows.

snow can be good for outside activity and to get electronics off your mind.There can be problems however there is a risk with cold weather that not only kids but adults can survive

Explanation:

sensory details?

so i`m assuming you are writing something from a bats (the animal) point of view. if this is the case, you can use sights, sounds, feelings, and tastes.

and idk what you mean by domain, but all of the sensory details will depend on where the bat is.

a bat doesn't see color very well, so its surroundings will be dulled.

it can hear super well. so maybe it can hear the insects on the ground

feelings. you can imagine how a bat would feel from its perspective. it all depends on where it lives.

maybe it can taste the salt in the air, or smell water, or something. all of these details are completely dependent on where it is located.

hope this .