02.10 Kick It Up a Notch Assignment You will revise one body paragraph from your informational article and write a reflection paragraph in which you explain the revisions you made.

View the grading rubric as you complete your work. This is your guide to a super submission.

Choose one body paragraph from your informational article to revise.
Copy this paragraph into a new document.
Review your paragraph for coherence. Make sure you have a topic sentence and supporting ideas for this topic.

Combine two or more sentences in your paragraph for varied syntax.
Review your paragraph for correct English language conventions. Correct any errors.
Write a short reflection paragraph on the revisions you made, describing the changes you made and how these changes improved your writing.

the original paragraph:

the revised paragraph:

the reflection on the changes you have made:

Essay: Vultures—we think of them as homely, bald birds that are a crucial part of our ecosystem. By ingesting dead animals, they are an integral part of the health of the environment. Although vultures are a necessary and positive part of nature, people have to be wary when vultures begin to form big groups.

A group of vultures is called a committee—just like a group of people. Vultures will wait up in trees where they have a vantage point to see and smell their meals from above. They will descend on a dead or dying animal to eat the carcass. Normally, they are providing us with a helpful and healthy service, but what happens when a committee of vultures roosts in a neighborhood?

The residents of a neighborhood in Virginia looked up one day to see hundreds of vultures up in the trees. At first, they were just a disturbing site, but as they days passed, they became aware of the damage the birds were inflicting.

“At first, I did not mind that the birds were roosting up in the trees,” explained one resident, “but then I realized that my car’s paint was being damaged by the birds.” The vultures’ droppings are so acidic that it destroyed the paint. With hundreds of birds up in the trees, the cars in the neighborhood were being damaged on a regular basis. The residents also noticed that the rubber on their cars was being eaten away.

"In some locations, vultures will start to pick at anything that's rubber or soft. Things like the shingles on a house. They will also chew on the caulking around windows. On a car they'll also pick at all of the weather-stripping (and) they'll do the windshield wipers," says Carol Bannerman, a spokeswoman for the U. S. Department of Agriculture's Wildlife Services. One thing residents can do is to spray water up into the trees. Keeping the area constantly wet will keep the vultures from roosting.

Cars were not the only thing in danger of destruction. The trees in the neighborhood were being destroyed by the birds. An average vulture weighs about four pounds. The birds are weighing down the trees with their combined weight and damaging the branches. Whole trees were broken and dying because of these animals.

There had to be a way to get rid of these vultures. In addition to the damage, the vultures were noisy and disruptive. The residents, concerned about their property and well-being, began complaining to the office of Animal Control. They in turn called in the U. S. Department of Agriculture's Wildlife Services. They were the only ones that had the ability to deal with these pests. ‘Vultures are protected by law. No matter how much of a nuisance they are, they cannot be killed. We must keep them alive,” explained Mr. Smith.

The officials decided to use pyrotechnics, a type of firework, to scare the vultures out of the neighborhood. They shot the pyrotechnic bullets in the air and the noise and lights made the vultures fly away and stay away. It is the best way to get rid of vultures once they've settled in the trees. Once the vultures leave, the Wildlife Service suggests putting up deterrents. One deterrent is to place wires across the roofs so the vultures cannot land on the houses and do further damage.

Although people must respect nature, neighborhoods, and property must also be protected from vultures. Putting up deterrents is one way to do this. Asking the U. S. Wildlife Service for help is another way to protect personal property. Vultures have a good reputation as an important part of the “circle of life,” but people must keep themselves safe from the damage they can cause.