This is my essay and it has to have a lot fo sensory detail. Is mine good? Walking on the old aged, broken down train tracks, I hear a wicked, monstrous laugh, giving me minuscule goosebumps all over my body. The owl making loud “hoo hoo” sounds, watching down on me with every miniature step i took. The old maple tree, with its distinct and funky smell, clogging my throat with the smell and giving me a sharp pain. In addition to that, the fire smoke coming from the old ancient home, quickly went up my nose and tasted smokey. Yuck! The dead grass tickling my ankle, giving me a deep red rash with tiny bumps as small as a flea. The blue angelic fog blinding me greatly, until i hit a bright yellow, shimmering light. I heard a loud, deep groan and i knew i was in massive trouble. A zombie, pulls up from behind me, makes straight eye contact with its deep cherry red eyes. I tried to run away, but the zombie hooked me by my shiny brown hair. I soon find out that the person that was living in that dark haunted house...was a wicked witch! Everywhere i looked it was a dead end, leading nowhere to safety. I wailed out loudly, hoping someone would hear me and thank gosh the witch came out of her warm, cozy home.

Your essay is pretty good, I just made a few minor changes. Hope this helped! :)

Explanation:

Walking on the old aged, broken down train tracks, I hear a wicked, monstrous laugh from the dark forest on the side of the bumpy road, sending shivers down my spine. An owl that I hadn't spotted, made loud “hoo hoo” sounds, watching evey single move that I made. The old maple tree, with its distinct and funky smell, clogging my throat with the smell of a banana peel that had been down the sewer all week. In addition to that, the fire smoke coming from the old ancient home, quickly went up my nose and it stung my senses. Yuck! The dead grass tickling my ankle, giving me a deep red rash with tiny bumps as small as a flea. The blue angelic fog blinded me greatly, until i hit a bright yellow shimmering light. I heard a loud, deep groan and i knew i was in massive trouble. A zombie, pulls up from behind me, makes straight eye contact with its bloodshot red eyes. I tried to run away but my feet were rooted in place and I couldn't move. Everywhere I looked it was a dead end, leading nowhere to safety. I wailed out loudly, hoping someone would hear me, but I couldn't talk, all my cries were canceled out, as if thi place had no sound. But then, a felt a hand on my shoulder and woke up.

its repetition emphasizing that the chain is his own. sorry if i am wrong.