DON'T ANSWER THIS IS FOR SOMEONE ELSE Can someone proofread my personal narrative for 100 points? The prompt is:
Write a personal narrative about a hero in your life. The story should tell about an experience that shows why this person is a hero to you and what effect this person has had on your life.

Essay:
I remember the stories my dad would tell me about when he was fleeing Vietnam to make a better life for himself. He would tell me about the escape plans, all the late nights he spent studying, and working hours at a fast food joint so he could have extra money to purchase books. If anything he's taught me it's that sometimes you have to work hard than others and as unfair as that sounds it's life.

My dad is a simple man who values family the most. I still remember him picking me up from school dressed in his work uniform because he spent his lunch break driving 30 mins back to my elementary school to drop me off at the babysitter's. As a kid, I never really understood why he was always tired. I still laugh to this day thinking back when it was recital day for my ballet class, and my dad frantically figuring out how to put my hair in a bun and do my stage makeup. He eventually just asked the front desk lady to help with the makeup, but I still appreciated the effort. I feel like I matured a lot earlier than other kids because of my dad. I got into investments and politics as a kid because I wanted to know what my dad was arguing about the other grown-ups at the dinner table. It was definitely hard for my dad to relate to me being an immigrant parent and all. I hated when my dad would pack me Asian food for lunch, or when we would call me by my Vietnamese name. I never really appreciated my culture till starting middle school. I knew my dad was trying his best, he even used to bring my lunch right before the lunch bell rang so the food would be warm.

You don' really realize all the things you are grateful for. We are so used to getting what we want, that we forget to take a few steps back to remember who was there for us. For me, my hero is my dad. Although he doesn't have superpowers, he was there to give me the support I needed growing up

I like it

Explanation:

You should change "If anything he's taught me it's that sometimes you have to work hard than others and as unfair as that sounds it's life." to this "Something he's taught me is that sometimes you have to work harder than others and as unfair as that sounds, it's life."

You should also change "I still laugh to this day thinking back when it was recital day for my ballet class, and my dad frantically figuring out how to put my hair in a bun and do my stage makeup." to this " I still laugh to this day thinking back when it was recital day for my ballet class, my dad was frantically trying to figure out how to put my hair in a bun as well as my stage makeup."

You should also try splitting the body paragraph in two. You should split it where the second body paragraph would begin in "I feel like I matured a lot earlier than other kids because of my dad."

You have a spelling error "when we would call me by my Vietnamese name" we is supposed to say he.

You should change this "he even used to bring my lunch right before the lunch bell rang so the food would be warm." to this "he would even bring my lunch right before the bell rang so the food would be warm."

Sorry I took so long, also your father sounds amazing you're very lucky for having such an amazing roll model.

1. the details that would clarify the authors purpose for writing would be after the "haley collected used soccer jersey and sent them to guatemalan children." part, he would say, "and you can also donate today to save ". so far in the text, you can see no such thing. if, near the end the author persuades you to donate to guatemalans, then you know that the author's reason to write is to persuade you.

2. what details would make the text more engaging is to see the guatemalan children's reaction to getting free jerseys.

3. the details that convey the author's attitude would be an opinion by the author, for example, if he said, "haley was a very nice girl " or, you can find the attitude by finding parts of haley's personality that he highlights. you can strengthen your tones by using more descriptive words, and simplify long sentences as much as you can.

you're welcome ; p

i think the answer is d)solicitude sorry if the answer is wrong.