what else can i add to this story or replace

It was just like any other morning. It was hot and the sun was gleaming. I was at a water park with my friends. Fast forward 2 hours and we are getting ready to swim in the pool. It was our first time swimming. Splash. I slipped by accident, and before I knew it I was in the deep end, 6 feet. I couldn't get up. All I could see was leaves. I was in there for a good 4 minutes struggling to save my life. No one could swim towards me. My life flashed before my eyes. Seeing my sister all alone knotted my stomach. Seeing my mother and father mourn terrified me. I thought of how I would survive until I gave up. I became unconcious.

Instead of jumping to the flashback as quickly as you did you can add some context and describe what you and your friends were doing. You could also do a bit of foreshadowing to build up the tension when she falls into the pool. Use words that appeal to the five senses to help the reader try to convey the readers experience of drowning.

Explanation:

work more on the telling to reader how your with because you side your with 2 friends. later you go onto saying your family is there with you. and the sun part work on it like saying "it was a blazing hot day."

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