Analyse this what is the author (me) trying to convey..

you know, phisically i'm okay,
but mentally i am broken in every way,
i'm stuck in a open state,
where my mind just stays on replay,

seeing all the street lights shining down,
on the world i want to escape,
living life on the run,
cause i don't wanna stay in one place,

and i don't want to pretend i'm happy,
when tears are falling from my face,
and ''i love you'' is a true statement,
but misused in every way.

and i can't sleep for other reasons,
i always have you on my mind,
don't expect me to be happy,
when i'm alone and wasting time,

i'd be nicer but when i despise myself,
i judge every movement that i make,
and i'd love to live without feeling,
but my life is a mistaken every day.