What moment is a moment of self-realization and reckoning for john?
a. proctor: i cannot mount the gibbet like a saint. it is a fraud. am not that man. she is silent. my honesty is broke, elizabeth; i am no good man. nothing's spoiled by giving them this lie that were not rotten long before.
b. proctor: with great force of will, but not quite looking at her: i have been thinking i would confess to them, elizabeth. she shows nothing. what say you? if i give them that?
c. proctor: i will not hear it! i know you!