Re-write this sentence from my story i wrote (give it better action verbs): "i could not but feel sadness but was not really feeling all that sad, like perhaps if things were different and we had a more normal relationship, i could grieve for my mother like i had seen so many others do. "

I could not help but feel dejected, perhaps if things were different and we had a habitual relationship, I could grieve for my mother like I had witnessed of multitude.

idk, its somethin' haha. good luck ;)

explanation:

it refers to the definition of full-contact sports, where the condition is that the sport must have athletes must "purposely collide with each other