I have an essay! I couldn't find it earlier but I just found it. I wrote it a few years ago about telling white lies, and I argued that we should not tell white lies. (white lies are things like "I like your shoes!" when you don't like the shoes.)
Here is the essay:
Are white lies okay to tell? White lies are polite or harmless lies that we tell to protect others’ feelings, compliment others, or to encourage others. Often, we encounter a scenario in which telling a white lie is one solution that can protect the other person’s feelings. Plus, white lies encourage others to not give up, even if they are losing. White lies may compliment people and help others gain confidence, but there are numerous downsides to telling white lies. Telling someone that they look fantastic, when they actually don’t look that nice, can damage trust with them. Also, even telling little white lies leads to more severe lies, which are even more hurtful and damaging than white lies. In order to improve, the truth is necessary to know, not compliments intended only to help others feel better. I believe that we should not tell white lies.
A small benefit of telling white lies is that they help protect the feelings of others. In most relationships, an important element to consider is each other’s feelings. For example, if a friend receives a hideous haircut, a white lie might come in handy as to not hurt their feelings or confidence. On the other hand, though, telling them that their haircut looks excellent, when they know that it doesn’t, could send them the message that they cannot count on others for truthful answers. Instead of white lies, a better solution is to express tactful tips and comments. In any relationship, whether it’s a friendship or a marriage, white lies are usually the wrong answer.
Also, white lies may help encourage others to not give up, even if they aren’t succeeding or doing well. This is important, because success often comes only after many failures. If one gives up hope because the people around them are too critical, then they may give up altogether without having an opportunity to eventually succeed. On the other hand, white lies often lead to larger and more severe lies, which may ruin relationships. Plus, white lies often accumulate, and we lose track of what we have told others. This may be very risky in a relationship, because others may find out they have been lied to, and will never ask for your opinion again. So, in most relationships, white lies are damaging, because white lies may accumulate, and they are easy to lose track of.
White lies may be very damaging in a relationship, whether it’s a friendship or a marriage. White lies are damaging, because if a partner or friend discovers that they have been told a white lie, they will not ask for your opinion again. In addition, trust is a key to a relationship, and a person who receives a white lie from a trusted partner or friend is also being told that they are not capable of handling the truth. Who do we expect to hear the truth from, if not from a trusted partner or close friend?
Even though white lies may help others feel better about themselves for the moment, others cannot improve unless they hear honest constructive criticism from the people they trust. In addition, when a person tells a white lie, even with good intent, the person may be in a position to tell larger lies later in order to conceal the white lie. So, a harmless white lie may lead to harmful situations. All in all, in order to be a loyal and trustworthy friend or partner, don’t tell white lies, just give tips and tactful comments.
